Unsuitable Men

I've cleaned house, so to speak, and am single again. Do you have any clue how excited I am at the sound of that word? Single!!!!! Yeah! No man cluttering up my space, my time, my mind. It is just me and Dream Boyfriend now, folks, and I think the two of us can make it ALL THE WAY.

Men are messy. They give me colds, snore and smell funny. They make me feel guilty for not going to bed at the same time they do. They bore me to death with stories about work. They don't talk with me, but at me. AND, I think they really DO have coodies.

Now I can put on my most comfy pair of yoga pants and a sports bra and lounge around while the heat is way up at 75. I'm gonna watch The Penis Song from the Sweetest Thing over and over on my DVD player. IN fact, I may memorize it and sing it to myself while washing dishes. I'm gonna putz around when I get insomnia without the constant fear of waking HIM up! I'm gonna eat ice cream right out of the container and PUT IT BACK.

I'm... I'm gonna be a SLOB, and no one can stop me!